Why Saying No Matters
Saying no is rarely easy.
During a recent event for the Agile Business Consortium, I shared why I made “no” my default for an entire month. I had realised that chronic overcommitment was draining my energy and decided to reclaim my time by telling colleagues and friends that I was practising a month of NOvember.
The event shared a little bit more about why I felt compelled to say yes and overcommit and how saying no helped me to create space, set realistic expectations and why I still practice saying no every November, but I also shared some takeaway resources, to help people to build their own ‘yes filter’ and use it to decide what deserves their energy and find new ways to say no.
Now, it’s important to note that NOvember isn’t an organised campaign or event, so there wasn’t a website I could visit or a set of tools that I could download, to help me to plan my month of saying no... so I patched together a collection of tools and frameworks that helped me to say no confidently, without second-guessing myself.
Many of these tools come from agile time management practices and can be adapted to your personal life, which is exactly what I did. As well as considering the tools I could employ during the month, I also considered what might help me to plan for it, and how I could explain it to others.
Zero-Based Time Management
For a while before NOvember, I had been practicing something called zero-based budgeting in my personal life, where every expense is justified. For me, this meant allocating every penny a job, to help me to see when I was robbing myself of things that I wanted through careless spending, and I could easily see the links with how I was managing my time.
Zero-based time management (as I’ve been calling it), has been a big part of why I could make NOvember a success. It’s helped me to be flexible, productive and transparent, all whilst saying no as often as I possibly can. And I still use zero-based time management today. Every day.
One of my favourite quotes in the agile space is from Jeff Walker, who said that “Every yes must be defended by a thousand no’s.”, and that’s what zero-based time management means to me.
My Month of NOvember: How I Planned It
I started off my planning my mapping out everything that was already in my backlog for November into my calendar. Importantly, when I added it to my calendar, I gave everything more time than I thought I’d need and broke anything that would take longer than an hour up into smaller blocks.
After mapping everything into my calendar, I could see what spaces I had left and consider what else would need my time and attention – time for emails, ad-hoc project meetings and writing all got factored in, even when I didn’t know when they’d actually take place... that was a problem for later, and the calendar blocks made it so that everything would be easy to ‘drag and drop’ things around when I needed to, a trick I first learned from Stephen Mordue back in 2019).
I ran out of calendar space before I ran out of tasks, so I started to work my way through some of the tools in my list to decide what the most important ways to fill up my month were.
And there it was. A complete month with no room for any extra yesses. Just like with my budget, if I wanted to ‘spend’ any time on anything that wasn’t already planned, I’d have to question my priorities and decide whether it warranted the removal of something else from my plan... and my calendar map made it very easy to ‘drag and drop’ my chores elsewhere, to accommodate any changes or occasions where I did have to ‘rob myself’ of time spent on my plans, or to update my calendar when I finished tasks more quickly than planned, freeing up time to start something from later in the day or week, or to jump into my emails.
After that I got my manager on board, which was easier because of my planning and how easily I could show that my calendar was full, productive and prioritised for the month ahead.
And with my manager on board, I told everyone that I would usually work with that I’d be saying no to anything that wasn’t already planned in, to help me to better organise my work and started saying no to things.
I thought it would be difficult, but once I figured out how to spot requests early (some of them come in disguise) and employ my ‘yes filter’ tools, I found that it became second nature to keep my focus and set realistic expectations, just as it became more comfortable.
The NOvember Toolkit
Though I’ve focussed mainly on the concept of zero-based time management so far, there’s a whole toolkit of resources that I used to make my NOvember work for me, and the best bit about most of them is that they’re probably already in your tool kit.
The table below summarises each tool and how it can help you say no more effectively.
|
Tool: |
How it helps you say “No”: |
|
Eisenhower Matrix |
It's easy to use the Eisenhower matrix to decide whether a request is urgent and important or whether it can be delegated, deferred or declined. Mapping tasks onto a fourquadrant grid clarifies what deserves immediate attention and what can be let go. |
|
MoSCoW |
The MoSCoW method categorises tasks into Must have, Should have, Could have and Won’t have (this time). I used “Won’t have” and “Could have” categories to practise saying a constructive and firm ‘no’, knowing I had my priorities in mind. |
|
RACI (Responsible, Accountable, Consulted, Informed) |
Clarifying Roles, Accountabilities, Consultation and Information ensures that urgent and important tasks don’t automatically fall to you. I used the RACI model to see if a request actually belonged to someone else and politely declined tasks that didn’t belong to me. Not because I’m not a team player, but because I trust my colleagues and respect their specialisms. |
|
Positiveno / “Yes, but …” Technique |
Instead of bluntly refusing, I practised saying “yes, but later”. For example, I might say I’d love to help and propose scheduling time several weeks away; if the requester can’t wait, I’ll apologise and decline, to give them the opportunity to find someone else. This approach can help to keep relationships positive while protecting your calendar. |
|
DESK Model |
The DESK method helps you explain why you can’t assist:
I used this model when I needed to justify decisions to stakeholders, but it should work with anyone who is invested in your goals. |
|
Prepared Refusal Templates |
I kept draft emails with polite and professional refusal phrases so I could respond quickly without freezing or giving in. Having readymade templates allowed me to say “no, not this time” respectfully and consistently without overthinking. |
|
Workflow & Capacityplanning Tools (i.e., Asana, Kanban, Calendars) |
As well as using my calendar, I also utilised productivity tools to make my workload visible. By showing tasks in a capacityplanning calendar and using a Kanban board to visualise work in progress, I could justify limits and demonstrate why I couldn’t take on more. I didn’t have to set this up specially, as I was already using it, but it’s a tool that helped me show the link between what I was spending my time on and what I was trying to accomplish. |
How to Build Your Own “Yes Filter”
Ultimately, NOvember worked for me because I was deliberate about how I used my time and transparent about why I was saying no. Once my calendar was mapped out, I could apply each framework to incoming requests: if it wasn’t urgent and important (Eisenhower) or a “musthave” (MoSCoW), and it wasn’t my responsibility (RACI), I either deferred or declined. Having a few readymade “no” phrases and the DESK structure in my back pocket made those conversations far less awkward.
If you want to try your own NOvember (or even just practice being more intentional with your time), start by planning your time as ‘zerobased’. Map everything that’s already on your plate into a calendar, leaving generous time blocks. Then, when new requests arrive, run them through your “yes filter” using the tools above. Practise positiveno wording and prepare a couple of polite refusal templates so you’re not tempted to say yes on the spot.
Most importantly, make your commitments visible: a shared calendar or board should give you the confidence to defend your boundaries and can help others understand why you can’t take on more right now.
Keep Learning (Resources and Next Steps)
If you’d like to hear the full story behind my NOvember experiment, including why I started, what went well and what I’d do differently, you can watch the NOvember: The Power of Saying No recording.
If you’d like to explore these and other productivity and time management tools in more detail, you can find great guides in the Agile Business Consortium’s Managing Your Time Effectively course.